A week or so ago I finally broke down enough to email my teacher and beg her for help. Now I'm ashamed of it because I felt like I was being a bit overdramatic... well... not overdramatic... more or less shouldn't have told her as much as I did. Because now she is breathing down my neck to see if I am doing what she advised me to do... I find myself avoiding her. Which isn't helping me any at all whatsoever.
"Though I've tried I've fallen I have sunk so low I am messed up better I should know so don't come round here saying I told you so..."
So I finally called the counselor like she asked me to... set up an appointment for Friday at 2 o'clock... hopefully I will be able to get some sort of relief going there... I really hope so... cause I am so done with everythn it isn't even funny anymore. My friend Lisa wants me to find my insurance card and go to the doctor to get happy pills... I will try but idk where the damn card is... My psych teacher wants me to do the same thing. Once again I question my judgement in wether or not I should have spilled EVERYTHING to her... It rather scares me.
"Gonna smile when I get worried, I try but it shows, everyone can see my every flaw, it isn't hard, anyone can say they're above this all, it takes my pain away."
I have been thinking rather a lot lately about this little shithole I happened to let myself fall into. So much shit seems to happen in my life and I am getting so sick and tired of it. I fall for people and find me picking myself off the ground because it never works out. I am tired of there never being a day go by without drama. Wether it's with friends, my life, or my family. My mom has officially pissed me the hell off to where I don't care if I never talk to her again. I'm sick of her doing shit to either upset me or let me down. And I am sick of her fucking husband that makes me feel like a stranger when I am in the house. It makes me not want to even visit them anymore. And if my sisters weren't there I probably wouldn't ever again.
"I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream."
It seems to me latelythat I am fading from friends and fast. So many little things bug me and I hate it. There are some friends that act like they don't want anything to do with me or so it seems. And to be quite honest it is tearing me apart because I feel I can't talk to them about it because we are fading so fast. As for Meagan-Leigh things aren't normal with us anymore. I finally added her back but we hardly ever talk. Mostly because I am hesitant to get close to her ever again. I just really hate it where it all comes down to this. I need friends my past shows that I need them to live seeing as I don't have much else. I can't let go like this.
"Because these words were never easier, for me to say, or her to second guess."
As for George I am officially done with him. DONE. I am not... no... I REFUSE to let myself get chewed up and spit out by him. If he really loved me like he said he did he would try harder to stay with me and would have tried harder rather than fucking it up all the god damn time. I'm done. I hope his little fling with me was good for him because I am done handing out chances like it's candy.
Soo... that's enough venting for now... can't realy think about anything else I wanna say... so... sionara..
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