"They'll tear us apart if you give them the chance."...... And I did

To summarize this blog entry it would be this:
JKSFHJKSFNJKSNFSFJKNGJKNKGNJKSAN!!!!

Yeah but I will tell you the whole story instead.

I miss him. I miss him. Did I mention I miss him? GUH. I wish I didn't miss him so damn bad. I thought I was done moved on. It has been about a month. So why can't I just brush it off my shoulders?! This is killing me. Every time I see him my heart still does backflips. And it hurts how much I miss him. Meh. If I could I would rip out my beating heart from my chest and stomp it into the ground.

I don't really know if I miss him though but one thing is for damn sure. I miss that comfort. It is so freaking tempting to just walk up to him when I see him and just wrap my arms around him and hug him tight like I used to. And now we can't even be friends really because it is just not working out. Excuse my language but FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK,
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

It was not supposed to turn out this way. I wish I could turn back time or something. Freeze time and change things. Something. Why can't I make this right? Oh I remember because I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT. It is sad when people know more things about you than you do. I hate feeling like a stranger. I feel like I am inside someone I don't know and watching the same scene. Over and over. Day by day. Basically the same things.

I am supposed to be freaking happy today. I get to go see Twilight as a field trip. Today is supposed to be AMAZING. But no, something always has to ruin it. I saw him a total of 2 times today. Twice. Doesn't seem much but it is to me.

I miss him so bad. If it is him I am missing. Shit I am just missing. I am starting to wish that I didn't break up with him. I wish we were still together. Be able to watch the movie of our favorite book together. Like nothing happened ever. Just happy together. Or was I happy with him? I don't know. I don't know anything. I must be mentally retarded for not being able to know anything that can have a simple answer. Why did things have to mess up. Why do things always have to mess up. What am I going to do without him?

I really need to get a jump on going to the doctors to get those damn depression pills.....